Caring for children can be incredibly rewarding, yet it also comes with its own set of challenges. People in service careers are more likely to face burnout than other industries (and this goes for stay-at-home parents as well)!
For this Q & A, I am talking to a Mom, business owner, and an all-around incredible person about self-care and the challenges and joys of motherhood.
1. What is something about motherhood that surprised you?
Two big things surprised me.
First, the fourth trimester, also known as postpartum. You have to simultaneously heal physically and perhaps even emotionally, rearrange your mentality from caring for yourself only to now your child(ren), find what boundaries- if any you want to hold for those first few weeks of visitors, juggle chores, and for some- figure out what going back to work looks like, all while trying to find time for yourself.
Secondly, it’s so cliche, I know it’s said over, and OVER again, but the overwhelming love you have for your baby(ies). You think you love them when you’re carrying them in your belly (if that’s your motherhood journey), and then you see them and hold them– indescribable.
2. New Moms are often told that even “just taking a shower” is considered good self-care. What are your thoughts on this statement?
Well. Do people consider brushing their teeth good self-care? Showering is a hygienic routine, alongside brushing teeth, brushing hair, etc etc. While I can understand how a shower can be portrayed as “self-care” (you’re “alone”, for 5,10, maybe even 20 minutes)... but I think many moms can say that during their shower, especially those first few weeks of motherhood, is far from self-care. You’re being careful (a lot of healing going on), you may be dripping (heat=milk let down), ever heard of phantom cries? I can’t be the only one who has heard their baby“Crying” while in the shower. So now, maybe the argument is “Well, when the kids are older and you’re done healing”... Again, I disagree. Personally, my toddler will walk in when I’m in the shower, talk to me, or maybe even my husband will come in to brush his teeth and get on with his day. Maybe there’s a mom out there who truly takes her showers as a self-care fix, but for me, that’s not reality and I think self-care = diving into what fills your soul– not a standard act of hygiene.
3. What is something that you wish people knew about parenting/being a stay-at-home parent?
We can love the ability to stay home with our child(ren) while also counting down the hours to bedtime. There are days that are SO. FUN. Then, there are days where I am texting my husband “So, will you be home soon?”- because even just having a second person there to help, especially their dad, takes a small weight off my shoulders. Also… especially during this pandemic, it can feel isolating. Maybe you’re not fully comfortable going OUT with friends/family, but it’s still nice when friends text/call/FaceTime.
4. Taking time for yourself is important. How do you practice self-care? How do you make this happen even while caring for two children?
If I’m being honest, I think I could be better at implementing daily self-care. I personally plan my “self-care” window for the weekend, to go grocery shopping and maybe stop into a store to browse. I’m beginning to recognize that grocery shopping isn’t self-care. However, now that we are into a more predictable schedule with our infant, I have been able to do a 20-30 minute workout after dinner. Lately, I have been asking that both kids stay upstairs (I work out in the basement), and I feel that during and after my workout, I feel better because I’m not keeping an eye on our toddler or having to pause the workout multiple times to help.
5. In our society, a lot of people view children as the end to their “freedom/life.” What are your thoughts on this and how has having children impacted your life?
I can understand where they are coming from. Having kids = accounting them into your schedules. Even if you are doing something without them, you still have to consider who will be watching them. You can’t just get up and go carelessly. However, I think once you’re in a comfortable place in your family’s dynamic, the kids can become a part of whatever you’re doing. I think instead of “ending freedom”, it’s more of a sacrifice. Ultimately, I think it truly boils down to the family’s lifestyle and what they are comfortable with.
6. In your opinion, how can family/friends best support a new Mom? What tips would you give them?
The baby’s cute, but also make sure to pay attention to the mom when you’re visiting for those first few times. Also, if this isn’t the first baby, pay attention to the older child(ren) and engage with them as well. Wait for the mom to invite you over….without asking when you can come over. Trust me, she’ll “open the doors” once she feels ready. Depending on the mom and your relationship, offer to bring a meal, clean, or even fold the towels/clothes for her. And by all means, don’t comment on ANYONE’s appearance (I mean, unless it’s something like “Oh the baby has your eyes for sure!), the house, and how the parent(s) are parenting their baby.
7. How do you balance motherhood and running a small business?
It took a while for me to set aside my pride and ask for help (watching the kid(s) while I work on things), and also take advantage of nap time some days. Other than that, I’m truthfully still navigating to find a good balance for all of us.
8. What advice do you have for first-time Moms about practicing self-care?
It may come easier than some to find time to carve out for yourself, but I definitely think it’s crucial. Don’t beat yourself up if it’s only a weekly 20 minute to yourself. As your baby gets older, you’ll start to see more openings in your day/night schedule to fit more “me time” in, but definitely make it a non-negotiable priority.