Welcome! It’s my first blog post and I’m diving right into a serious and neglected topic-mental health. It’s something we are often ashamed to talk about.
We’ve been trained to hide our doubts, insecurities, and struggles. When someone asks how we are doing, our automatic response is “good” (at least I know mine is). We’ve grown up in a society that tells us that being busy/hustling all the time is what makes us successful.
No wonder people are afraid to talk about their hardships or admit when they are struggling.
It is still difficult for me to talk openly about my anxiety for a multitude of reasons and I am sure many of you understand that. It is way easier to just portray to the outside world that everything is absolutely terrific, at least until it really is not.
I’ve always been someone that prided myself in putting others before myself. I try to be as selfless and loving as possible (not that I always am). When I went away to college, I knew I wanted to be in a caregiver role which is just one of the many reasons I pursued a degree in education.
I went through college with straight A’s, worked 40+ hours a week as a waitress over the summer, planned a wedding, and kept up with my social life.
I did everything I was “supposed to do”, but in the process, I stopped doing the things that I enjoyed. I stopped doing the things that brought me joy.
On top of that, I am a perfectionist to the max. I always had to have straight A’s. While working as a waitress, I never asked for a day off. My house always had to be perfect and I always needed to be available to visit with friends and family.
I’m sure some of you completely understand. You also put unneeded pressure on yourself and expect absolute perfection.
Slowly, I began to notice small physical ailments. I would wake up feeling as though a bowling ball was on my chest. I had trouble sleeping. On the days before I went into my waitressing job, I would overthink every single thing that could go wrong during my shift until it was time to go. I would get so nervous that I would throw up.
I didn’t know what was wrong. I decided that waitressing must just not be for me and that I would finish the summer and then find a different job.
Yet as I returned to college these feelings did not dissipate. When I started a new job the following summer, I experienced these same negative symptoms.
I hit my breaking point. I called my boss, quit, and literally never went back. I was completely devastated. The girl that had always done everything she was supposed to do had just done the thing you were absolutely not supposed to!
I have never felt so disappointed in myself. I felt like a complete failure for being unable to handle these feelings and carry on. I started exercising, using essential oils, and meditating. I tried all the things because I wanted to “fix” this.
The only problem is that you can’t fix anxiety. I eventually found myself sitting in front of my doctor in tears because I didn’t want to feel those emotions anymore.
I was tired. Tired of the constant battle against my mind and body. Tired of feeling stuck and unhelpful. Tired of being tired. After talking through my symptoms, my doctor recommended an anxiety medication. So I started the medicine alongside the other things and for the first time, I saw a difference. It wasn’t overnight or completely fool-proof, but I finally felt some relief.
Most importantly, I began doing things for ME again. I read books for pleasure. I painted for enjoyment. I made body scrubs. I did facemasks. I started taking daily walks. Medication was and is only the start for me. It was only through these combinations of self-care that I was able to experience a change.
I’ve been the girl that never put herself first. I’ve been the girl that burnt out and quit. But I’m also the girl that fought back. I’m the girl that made herself a priority again.
Self-care isn’t selfish and neglecting yourself will only lead to you being unable to care for anyone else. I don’t want you to end up where I was when I finally walked into my doctor’s office in tears.
Some of you may not have anxiety, but I still think there is a place for you here. Everyone can experience burnout, especially in jobs that require you to care for others (and this includes being a parent)! This means that in order to show up as your best self every single day, you need time to take care of yourself.
Simply Sunshine Gifts was formed to help you make time for yourself and I don’t mean just physically. My shop offers handmade body scrubs and lip scrubs (and soon to be journals), but this is only meant to be the start. My hope is that if you can fit in 5 extra minutes in the shower, that will eventually lead to you taking time to journal, meditate, exercise, eat healthily, read a new book and just do the things that bring true joy into your life.
Stick around for my next blog posts, I’ll be sharing more about the scientific importance of self-care, the seven different types of self-care and some quick ideas to help get you started.